My Thoughts on Fourth of July

Happy Fourth of July, I don't think so. This is the first year that I have dreaded the Fourth of July for political reasons. In the past, my dread came from how loud the fireworks were (for both my dog and me); this year, it comes from politics. And I realize how privileged this may sound, that I could ignore the news and politics. I thought of the Fourth of July as the time I saw those relatives I don't see often, swam in their pool, and ate burgers. I didn't think about the politics; I didn't have to. Now I can't help but say "I don't think so" to most outward displays of American pride. And I don't say this in a "you should be like me way, but dissecting how I see things, I don't think that I should flinch when I see an American flag or debate what to do when the national anthem comes on. Now, fair warning, this is a nuanced post. I think that everything, especially political things, is nuanced; if you can't see that, then you don't have enough knowledge about whatever subject.

The thing is that I love my country, I love America, my family has been here for a long time, and I have relatives who fought in the Revolutionary War, people who were a part of the original 13 colonies. That says something about my family and their history, and I feel shame thinking about the racism my family perpetuated and participated in. America has been my home and my families home for a very long time, and I have lived a good life, so has my family, my great-great-great-grandpa were coal miners in Pennsylvania now my grandpa is a retired pastor and military veteran, the GI bill allowed him to go to school when it didn't allow black men to do so in the same ways, to have access to the same education. My great-grandpa was killed in a car crash on the San Bernardino freeway, and because of his death, laws regarding seatbelts were put in place. My parents grew up here in America, in California. This country uplifted them. They went to college, got steady jobs, had me in a nice hospital room, when my sister was failure-to-thrive, my parents could afford the time and treatments that have carried her through 13 years of life, and when I became disabled, I had access to quality health insurance.

I have reasons to love this country, my home, but it's idealistic to assume I will never have problems with the way things are being run. From gerrymandering and the breakdown of the Voting Rights Act (through Supreme Court case Louisiana v. Callais), to ICE and its atrocities (killing Renee Good, substandard detention centers, and arrests in immigration courts, among so many other things), to the Epstein Files, Donald Trump and the xenophobia, racism, Islamophobia, homophobia, etc., etc., etc. I have many reasons to be distant from my country. I struggle because I know that if I wanted to, I could move away, live in Europe with access to healthcare and all the things I wish the US governmental system had. But I realize the privilege in that statement. I understand that most people cannot just pick up and move when things become hard; if they could there would be absolutely no minorities in America.

These are the reasons it's hard on the Fourth of July. I feel disconnected from the politicians and governmental system that dictates my life and the lives of so many others. It's unrepresentative, and it's barely functioning. So I love my country, I don't love the politicians, the system, the perpetrators, the racism, I don't love that. I can't have one without the other; I can't fully accept love or hate. I'm in the middle, stuck between the poles, and that is where I want to be. And so instead of abandoning this country, instead of turning my back and protesting this Fourth of July, I am dreaming and studying to one day make an impact on our governmental system and country. I am taking a college class as a high school student on American Government and Politics, reading books to learn more about the system, I plan to go to college and study political science and public policy and then I will find a position where my work can mean something, where I can reform this system for the good of our people, for all Americans not just the white ones, I will continue to speak up, use my voice to amplify those on the margins and love my country the only way I know how to, through nuance.

Happy Fourth of July,

Ruby Sophia