17 things I learned in my 17th year of life

Hi! Today is my 17th birthday, meaning I have just completed my 17th year of living. This past year has been full of a lot of discoveries about myself and the world in general. In 2025, I was diagnosed with my two disabling conditions (autism and hEDS). While I'm young, I don't believe wisdom is confined to age, so here's what I've learned so far: I won't hoard my wisdom; I will encourage you to partake of my lessons and observations of the world we preside. Here they are in no particular order:

1. People will judge you no matter what, no matter what you do, your actions will be thought about, even if only for a second. For this reason, if for no other, do whatever you want, wear that skirt, show them that song, dye your hair, get something pierced. Don't let what other people are thinking or not thinking stop you. The ones who are right will be there.

2. Nothing is linear, healing isn't linear, depression isn't linear, the way people act and what they do cannot be explained using a formula, not everything has a pattern, so allow yourself to not think about it, don't waste time puzzling over things that have no solution you're willing to accept.

3. It's okay to feel like you're doing something wrong whether it be something small like walking wrong to something more serious like thinking about race wrong or realizing you have internalized ableism or what not within you, it's not bad to realize that your not perfect it's actually better to realize it as the first step to fixing it then pretending it doesn't exist.

4. If you find a food you really like, eat it as much as you want, especially if eating is something hard for you.

5. You're not a burden. Seriously, you're not a burden for needing help, support, friends, and a community. Reaching out to someone is not embarrassing or shameful; you're not burdening them, you're letting them in. Why are you more worthy to be "burdened" by your thoughts than they are?

6. It's okay to take breaks and need rest; it's not lazy to recognize your limits, and if someone tells you your limits are too much for them, fight back; it's reasonable to need to rest. No one can run on an empty tank.

7. Embrace forms of connection with people, whether through books, songs, shows, movies, or podcasts. Indulging in other people's creativity is beautiful.

8. You don't have to be perfect to be religious; you don't need to wait to open your Bible or pray because it's been a while; you don't have to have everything figured out to get baptized or talk to a pastor. The father welcomes you, whoever you are, no matter where you've been.

9. People will question you, they will doubt you, you can't control that, but you can control how you respond to it.

10. If you enjoy something, do it, whether an activity, a food, or a favorite TV show you watch on repeat. It's healthy and delightful to have a guilty pleasure.

11. Anger and other hard emotions are trying to tell you something; listen to them.

12. It's completely normal to feel multiple feelings at once; grief doesn't eradicate joy, it enhances it. Be honest with yourself and allow yourself to feel emotions without being controlled by them.

13. Read nonfiction; it's not just for nerds and older adults. There's a book on almost any subject, so pick one up next time you have a question.

14. You're not broken for needing therapy; you recognized you needed help, that's not weakness, it's strength.

15. Being who you are, no matter the price, is not easy, not all sunshine and rainbows, but rather a constant battle, especially if forces in your life are uncertain about your identity. I implore you to persevere.

16. Keep yourself informed, don't rely on one person or website to keep you on top of the news, vary your sources and the people you surround yourself with, and watch out for the echo chamber.

17. Love yourself <3, no one will be there for every tiny moment and significant moment besides yourself (and God if you believe), so treat yourself with dignity and respect and take care of your body, mind, and soul, even when you feel negative feelings towards yourself, try your best to be for you when everyone else is against you.

The end! Happy Birthday to me! I hope you gained something from this if you take nothing from this, read it again, because perfection and humanity are not congruent if perfection is what you aim for, and believe in for yourself I encourage you to think again and look at the world, perfection isn't an option, but you can try your best, and yes your best is enough.

With love, Ruby Sophia <3,