cure ableism, not me

Poems about my experience being a disabled teen in America who has access to help, the good and the bad, just in time for disability pride month. So I actually just found this in my drafts, oops, so even though it's October now, here are poems I wrote about being a disabled teen in all the feelings it brings. One day, I'd love to turn these into a chapbook to publish!

Explain to me

explain to me

why I'm scared

explain to me

what's so scary about sharing the truth

why do I tense every time someone asks what I'm reading or what my shirt means when the answer is

AUTISM

because I'm scared

of how they'll react

because I'm scared

to be seen differently

I'm scared

someone will say, "I hope you're prepared to be disappointed because you're not autistic."

again.

you don't know me!

I'm tired of the surprise on your face,

you don't know me!

so I'm scared

but I'm getting over it

Untitled Poem

I do not speak of any experiences but my own

my experience as a white middle-class autistic female,

someone who has struggled to find a community,

someone who can feel othered by society,

and so I stand before you and say

Stand up!

stand up against injustice!

stand up against racism!

stand up against ableism!

stand up for the things you believe in!

I stand up now to share a fantasy with you

a fantasy where disabled people with invisible illnesses are believed

a world where standing out, being weird, and standing up for what you believe in are encouraged and celebrated!

and for now, that's all it is, a fantasy

What You Don't See

I spend lots of time sitting

do people notice?

when people see me out in the world

they don't see:

the pain

the recovery time

the emotions

the struggles

you just see a girl

maybe you think I'm cute or quirky

or maybe you think I'm weird

but you don't see how hard this world is for me

and if I told you

would you believe me?

would you understand me?

would you help me?

or am I too fragile, broken, and hard to deal with for you?

is it too hard to support me?

do my needs make you uncomfortable?

do I make you uncomfortable?

What I've Lost (that you never noticed)

I mourn my losses

the loss of freedom

I mourn my pain

standing it hurts

sitting can hurt

joints hurt

knees hurt

and it's not just my body

my brain is struggling too

struggling to understand itself

and others

it's hard feeling othered

and misunderstood without the right words to explain

it's hard when I'm embarrassed

and then wish I wasn't

it's hard having to accommodate myself and wondering what others think

when I sit out or pop in my earplugs

I know I shouldn't think about it

but I'm human after all

so I mourn my losses

I mourn the time spent in bed

resting from exertion

I cry for the things I can't do anymore

or only with help

so I mourn my losses

Why is everything hard? Because I'm disabled, and this is life.

Verified Spokesperson

who are you

to tell me what I can do?

who are you

to speak for this community?

who am I

to speak for this community?

each and every person on this planet has individual experiences

no two are the same

so to make such sweeping statments

is not only a cause for disaster

but simply untrue

I am not a verified spokesperson

for anybody but myself

I can only hear others' stories

and share my own

Out In the World

out in the world

I do what you do

paste on a smile

talk for a while

standing there chatting

you don't see the pain I'm going through

you don't see how my legs shake

knees buckling

you don't see how exhausted I am

when I finally make it home

you don't see me

recovering from a shutdown

you see me

smiling

when I feel sick to my stomach

I am not okay

Kennedy said “autism destroys families” and is an “individual tragedy as well.”

Kennedy said many autistic children were “fully functional” and “regressed … into autism when they were 2 years old. And these are kids who will never pay taxes, they’ll never hold a job, they’ll never play baseball, they’ll never write a poem, they’ll never go out on a date. Many of them will never use a toilet unassisted."(Fact-checking Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s Statements on Autism, 2025)

autism

a tragedy

autism

I stand in front of you

a poet

and yet he says

I will never write a poem

autism

a tragedy

autism

for some

for high support needs, autistic people and their caregivers

this life is a hard one

they might never have a job or play baseball

and some may

but it will be hard

it's hard to be autistic

and maybe I won't be able to hold a job

but I am a human

autistic people do not have less identity and less humanity than allistic people!

autism is a spectrum

and more than that, autism is a color wheel

some days I will not have the energy to write a poem or go to work

and other days I will

but it will still be hard

cure ableism not autism

autism acceptance, not autism awareness

because awareness is nothing without acceptance

(I think this is such an important message! Especially in a culture where kids use things like autism and schizophrenia as a joke, which is so horrible.

some days are hard

I spend my time laying in bed

crying

swallowed by my sheets

some days are less hard

not easy by any means

days when I get out of bed

and go out places

and smile easily

but which one do you see? you see me standing here

put together

looking happy

and "high functioning"

I barely made it through the school year

I could feel myself unraveling

I could feel myself dissolving

I could feel the burnout slowly overtake me

and I pushed through

nobody notices when I struggle and suceed

they only see once I've tumbled off the edge

when all the motivation I borrowed from my future self

doesn't magically appear

and I'm left flaky and crumbly

I wish people could see the effort it takes me

just to keep up this conversation

to keep up this act

I don't usually blame others

but it's precedented this time

I have to force myself to keep going

it's not socially acceptable to "give up"

or to rest

and for me, it's not just something I want it's something I need

because my brain and body have decided for me

forcing me to stay and rest

but it causes me to stress

I feel sick to my stomach from the pressure to press on

to keep going anyway

but I can't

Dear Doctors,

when I come to your office

 and tell you I’m in pain

 and that I always am

LISTEN.

when I say I’ve done my research,

 when I tell you I’ve logged every ache,

 every sense of fatigue

when I say I have an idea

LISTEN TO ME.

I know sometimes it’s hard for me to explain,

 but be patient

 because I know myself better than you do,

 right?

so, LISTEN.

because this is very real,

 and very painful,

 and definitely not normal.

and if you can’t help me

 tell me who can.

and if you say, “I don’t know,”

 if you say, “back to the drawing board,”

I have to wonder

what are you here for?

is the internet more helpful?

do I know more than you?

Mobility Aids

mobility aids

looked down upon for younger people,

let me just say 

you're looking at it wrong!

if that tool helps someone do something,

if it brings them joy,

if it helps them manage their pain,

if it means they can leave the house,

then we should be celebrating!

why do you judge?

why do you see things that you don’t understand as some crime against humanity?

why can’t we be kind?

and while on the subject,

why can’t things be accessible?

why are there so many buildings that only have steps, leaving them inaccessible for disabled people in wheelchairs?

why are invisible disabilities not common knowledge?

why?

If you use a mobility aid 

and you face criticism and annoying comments

YOU ARE BRAVE!!

and I see you

and I’m proud of you

for caring more about your health than the opinions of strangers

and I wish that it wasn’t brave to use something that helps you 

for now, it is, but let’s normalize it! together!

That's the end! I hope you enjoyed. I'm learning to be proud of my disability and not something I keep in the shadows because this is my reality.